By: Matt Cohen and Ben Miller
So, you were alone on Valentines Day? Well, we were too. Â And we are no relationship experts, but Iâm sure our experiences will draw some helpful lessons. Maybe.
Being alone really isnât such a bad thing. No gifts means our bank accounts didnât take a hit, no dinner dates mean we had a delicious yet affordable meal at White Castle and no disgusting candy hearts.
This Hallmark holiday has a way of making any sane person feel bad about themselves for not having a valentine, but lets be honest, it is more of a struggle then its worth.
We tried to do the least romantic and manliest things we could think of. Some that worked well in the past were howling like a wolf on top of a mountain, chopping down trees, and catching fish with our bare hands.
Alternatively, if you do not have access to this wilderness of masculinity, you could go see âFifty Shades of Greyâ with some of your buddies. It really isnât that weird. Okay, itâs pretty weird.
We got a couple friends together and saw this âromanticâ film on Valentineâs Day. I canât believe I just typed that sentence, but itâs true.
It was a pretty awkward experience overall. Walking into the theatre with four guys sounds awkward enough, but try that after being carded because we apparently look under 17. It also didnât help that we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
If you are looking for a disturbing plot line with an amazing soundtrack, this is the movie for you.
Ellie Goulding and The Weeknd highlight the movieâs soundtrack with hits that will be stuck in your head for the next couple of days – as will some unpleasant mental images, weâre sure. Nonetheless, the Fifty Shades soundtrack will definitely make a great addition to your sex playlist.
Besides the music and the dramatic billionaire life, most of the movie is centered on people being naked. Normally, a group of 20 year old guys wouldnât complain about a little tasteful nudity on film but this was just plain uncomfortable. And it really wasnât just a little nudity.
The characters were interesting enough, although Anastasia (the main female character) was missing some key background information. Weâre sure sheâs portrayed with more clarity in the books.
Christian Grey, who apparently has singular (not unlike his taste) commitment issues, is a boss. Who wouldnât want their name on a personal helicopter and have an amazing loft with a view of downtown Seattle? It sounds very nice, and it would be if Grey wasnât insane.
He is very creepy, to say the least, and somehow knows where Anastasia is at all times. Stalkerish, really. But hey, it seems like itâs okay if youâre a handsome billionaire. He really isnât a good boyfriend, or a good person, for that matter.
The movie was left at a cliffhanger, which of course makes most viewers interested in seeing the next one. Not all viewers, meaning us, but there is definitely plans for a sequel and even a third one.
If youâre planning on taking your mom out to a movie like any good son would, steer clear of âFifty Shades of Grey.â I repeat, steer clear. Unless youâre looking for a very uncomfortable experience – in that case, go for it.