Tag: Fifty Shades of Grey

By: Matt Cohen and Ben Miller

So, you were alone on Valentines Day? Well, we were too.  And we are no relationship experts, but I’m sure our experiences will draw some helpful lessons. Maybe.

Being alone really isn’t such a bad thing. No gifts means our bank accounts didn’t take a hit, no dinner dates mean we had a delicious yet affordable meal at White Castle and no disgusting candy hearts.

This Hallmark holiday has a way of making any sane person feel bad about themselves for not having a valentine, but lets be honest, it is more of a struggle then its worth.

We tried to do the least romantic and manliest things we could think of. Some that worked well in the past were howling like a wolf on top of a mountain, chopping down trees, and catching fish with our bare hands.

Alternatively, if you do not have access to this wilderness of masculinity, you could go see “Fifty Shades of Grey” with some of your buddies. It really isn’t that weird. Okay, it’s pretty weird.

We got a couple friends together and saw this “romantic” film on Valentine’s Day. I can’t believe I just typed that sentence, but it’s true.

It was a pretty awkward experience overall. Walking into the theatre with four guys sounds awkward enough, but try that after being carded because we apparently look under 17. It also didn’t help that we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

If you are looking for a disturbing plot line with an amazing soundtrack, this is the movie for you.

Ellie Goulding and The Weeknd highlight the movie’s soundtrack with hits that will be stuck in your head for the next couple of days – as will some unpleasant mental images, we’re sure. Nonetheless, the Fifty Shades soundtrack will definitely make a great addition to your sex playlist.

Besides the music and the dramatic billionaire life, most of the movie is centered on people being naked. Normally, a group of 20 year old guys wouldn’t complain about a little tasteful nudity on film but this was just plain uncomfortable. And it really wasn’t just a little nudity.

The characters were interesting enough, although Anastasia (the main female character) was missing some key background information. We’re sure she’s portrayed with more clarity in the books.

Christian Grey, who apparently has singular (not unlike his taste) commitment issues, is a boss. Who wouldn’t want their name on a personal helicopter and have an amazing loft with a view of downtown Seattle? It sounds very nice, and it would be if Grey wasn’t insane.

He is very creepy, to say the least, and somehow knows where Anastasia is at all times. Stalkerish, really. But hey, it seems like it’s okay if you’re a handsome billionaire. He really isn’t a good boyfriend, or a good person, for that matter.

The movie was left at a cliffhanger, which of course makes most viewers interested in seeing the next one. Not all viewers, meaning us, but there is definitely plans for a sequel and even a third one.

If you’re planning on taking your mom out to a movie like any good son would, steer clear of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I repeat, steer clear. Unless you’re looking for a very uncomfortable experience – in that case, go for it.

I am by no means above seeing a bad movie. Bad movies are some of the most entertaining movies. The poorly constructed plots, the awkward acting, the supremely cheesy wink-wink-nudge-nudge humor – it’s all great.

At first I thought that perhaps Fifty Shades of Grey could be this movie, and I’m sure that attracted many viewers to the box office. But Fifty Shades is not a good-natured, comically-terrible, bad movie; it is just a bad movie in every sense of the word.

I have not seen the movie, nor will I ever, and yet I feel perfectly confident pronouncing this judgment on it. Any defense of Fifty Shades in its original form is completely tarnished by the creation of a theatrical version. The guilty pleasure of a steamy romance can be hidden in the backlight of an e-reader, not on a 55-foot theater screen.

From a novel that earned its fan base through explicit sex scenes, an NC-17 rating would seem apt for its theatrical counterpart. And yet the lead male actor, Jamie Dornan, refused to be filmed completely nude (it seems perfectly fine for the female lead, Dakota Johnson, to bare it all though).

Fifty Shades is a story (if it can even be called one) that values and promotes severely unhealthy BDSM – Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM) – relationships, as well as sexual abuse. The character of Christian Grey is meant to be a strong, manly man who knows exactly what he wants and hates the word “no.” Confidence is sexy, dominating attitudes can be sexy too, but one of the core principles in BDSM relationships is the presence of respect. People who participate in BDSM practices value “safe words.” This is a word or words that basically mean “stop, immediately.” Safe words ensure safety and enjoyment for everyone involved. Christian Grey introduces the character Anastasia Steele to BDSM, and yet refuses to acknowledge her safe words or maintain her security.

Partially I feel bad for shaming this enterprise, especially when the largest portion of the Fifty Shades fans identify as women. It is so valuable for women to feel comfortable expressing their sexuality and sexual preferences and to be excited about talking about sex without feeling guilt. Too often is the space for sexual discussion reserved for men. But my issues with the film and the message of the story itself strongly outweigh any benefits it may have.