About four years ago, I was suffering from a case of senioritis. I was a high school senior, already admitted to college and enrolled in said college. School didnât matter much anymore, and other than maintaining my grades, I became very relaxed about everything. Thatâs not really the case this time around.
Here I am, a senior again. However, I have a different case of senioritis. I donât know what Iâm doing upon graduation, and that scares me. A lot. I donât think I have senioritis, I think I have something else. I think I have a case of âOh my god, I am a college senior and I have no idea what Iâm doing when I graduateâÂitis.
This time, itâs much different. Last time I was a senior, I had a clear idea of the future. I was set in my choice of college and all I had to worry about was maintaining my grade average, which wasnât hard. Now, itâs a different ballgame. No, this time itâs a whole other sport. What sport, I cannot tell you. Maybe itâs something very complicated that many donât understand but itâs very alluring and people want to know about it. Or something like that.
When I was younger, up until last year, I was incredibly excited to graduate and start my life.
After having a taste of âfreedomâ when I spent my semester in Washington, D.C. made me even more excited. But as soon as I started my last first day of classes, it became real. I wonât be a student forever. I cannot pull a Buster Bluth and be a professional student.
Just thinking about the future makes me anxious. My heart starts pounding, my palms sweaty and my mind swimming. Yeah, Iâve applied for jobs, but as of Nov. 8 at 2:17 p.m., I am still unemployed. Hereâs hoping that wonât be for long. But I need to remind myself, itâs still early to find a job. At least Iâm not applying to law school or graduate school, like many people I know. I need to take a deep breath and calm down. Easier said than done.
I donât think senioritis in college exists. Maybe once I become employed I will amend that statement, but the unknown is too scary. I wish I could go back to high school senior me and say, enjoy the relaxation while you can, enjoy having the next four years of your life set, because thatâs not going to happen again for a while.